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So I've finally asked my main question about all of this faith stuff.
What do you do when you are too worn out with everything?
Do you fake it? Fake your religion, fake your love, fake it all.
Or leave? Yes leave.
Do you leave, knowing that when you come back that it'll be a greater impact.
An impact that you know would be stronger than ever.
Lookadoo talked about the fact that Christians always ask 'is it okay?'
So I guess that's what I'm doing here too.
Is it okay to fake? Is it okay to leave?
He says the bible doesn't say "Be okay for I am okay."
It says, "Be holy for I am holy."
Let's switch the words.
Is it holy to fake? Is it holy to leave?
No. and. No.
That's where I'm confused.
Emily Lookadoo helped and told me to try new things.
New books, new activties, new churches.
I like what I know. I like what I grew up with.
Despite everything that happened with everyone in my church.
My old church?
I don't go there because of everything.
But. It's understandable.
What else are you supposed to do?
What are you supposed to do, when the people you saw God in, leave?
Betray? Hurt? Not just once. So many issues.
Youth group leaders leaving, youth group leader fired, Sunday school leaders having to leave, people being kicked out of youth group, the youth group talking about you on a retreat while you are at home, an atheist that gets all the atention.
I don't understand what I'm supposed to do.
I think somewhere in the bible says Come to Me all who are weary.
I don't think I have. I really don't know.
All I know is that I have never said "This is all Your fault, God. Why have you done this?"
I'm trying to understand that there is a reason.
It's hard to leave when people say you made an impact there.
I actually believe it, it feeds my head.
I need to starve.
Apparently I was the one that got the most people involved.
There are others for that.
Other people can take my place.
I think my biggest thing is now, I don't want to do this alone.
Alone, as, alone on this earth.
I really hope Justin Lookadoo's book will help.
REALLY. REALLY. REALLY. Help.
If that doesn't help, I have no clue.
I'm praying for a sign.